Twisted Wishes

[Clyde]

Granted but you have to live with aliens

I wish i could dye my hair

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

You dye your hair, but you have an allergic reaction and all your hair falls out.

I wish it was Saturday.

[Kiwi]

It is Saturday, but it's the last Saturday.

I wish for fish.

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

You get delicious salmon, but it gives you food posioning.

I wish fleas didn't exist.

[Kiwi]

You discover that you are actually a rare species of flea who has disguised himself and merged into human society. You erased yourself from existence.

I wish I could use magic.

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

You learn how to use magic, but release a terrible demon that eats you.

I wish I wasn't so lonely.

[Kiwi]

You're surrounded by people who annoy you.

I wish I knew how to make bombs.

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

You learn to make bombs, but not how to defuse them. You blow yourself up. At least Allah will love you a little more.

I wish I could get laid.

[Kiwi]

You get raped.

I wish for a comb.

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

You get a comb, but it breaks.

I wish I could live happily, with a wife, two kids, a lab and a white picket fence.

[Kiwi]

You do for a week, but soon they're all killed and you then become a a vengeful vigilante who doesn't believe in killing. Then someone shoots you because you don't carry a gun.

I wish I was impervious to gunfure.

[Clyde]

granted but you die from grenades

I wish my ex would stop being so damn annoying

[Kiwi]

She goes insane and kills you both with a grenade, spouting something about "dying together". She isn't annoying anymore, though.

I wish donuts were healthy.

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

They become healthy, but lose all their taste.

I wish I had a suit of ultra-light, bullet-proof armor, so I could kill criminals around the city with out the risk of getting shot, or something.

[Kiwi]

You have one, but it runs on moon rocks. You have no moon rocks.

I wish I could fly.