(Deep) Beneath the Black Abyss

[Randy]

Okay, so, anybody remember Cotton Candy Butterflies? Yeah, well, my sister's talked me into writing an opposite. About Nightmares. This is it.

I wasn't too certain about the title, you can think of a better one, I'd love to hear it.

(Deep) Beneath the Black Abyss

Deep beneath the black abyss
With a thick blood-colored mist
Lighting this place, like an evil kiss
Showing the horrors founded by this

Wailing and cries fill my ears
Never before have I cried such tears
That this place brings, and it’s fears
How long has been? Seconds? Years?

Demons howling into the night
Fallen Angels sing without delight
I cannot take this horrid sight
Before my eyes I see evil’s might

Translucent hopes built up high
Then prove to be not but nigh
And no matter how hard I try
I cannot flee before I die

Laughter. Laughter, horrid laughter
Fills me ears and makes me shatter
Lost children, wailing chatter
And the voice says it does not matter

I toss and turn, but cannot wake
This must be a dream, this must be fake
Nothing before made me shake
Such fears, such evils and I quake

[+ RJ]

I like it, but the whole rhyme every sentence isn't really my thing.
You have some really good phrasing and word choice though, and I like the overall message.

[Randy]

It's genrally not mine either, but I wrote Cotton Candy Butterflies that way and so, this being the "sequel" "Paraquel" whatever to that one, I figured I should do it that way... You have no idea how hard it is.

Thanks... I just hope I got that "terrified, omg where in the hell am I? Help me, somebody, can't escape" kind feeling to it.

[Ink]

I feel about the same as RJ. Anyways, it's really good and I think you got the feeling across well enough. It reminds me of this awesome video: katytowell.com/old-animation/never.htm

[+ RJ]

Oh I do love katytowell.

[Randy]

That was interesting... xD

[☭ Yeagger ☭]

Kind of reminds me of Stephen King's The Mist. Good jop, Super.

[Randy]

Thanks! ^^

[+ RJ]

Stephen King is amazing.